I love, love, love, adore, and love macaroni salad. I’m also picky, picky, picky, particular, and picky about macaroni salad. No joke. Macaroni salad is a religion to me.
I have issues, is what I’m saying.
Here’s what I don’t like: Macaroni salad that’s gloopy. Here’s what I do like: Macaroni salad that’s creamy but still light. Here’s what I don’t like: Macaroni salad that’s overly vinegary. Here’s what I do like: Macaroni salad with a sweet/tangy/spicy kick. Here’s what I don’t like: Macaroni salad that’s mostly macaroni. Here’s what I do like: Macaroni salad with a confetti of wonderfulness coloring the whole mix with flavor, spice, and texture. Here’s what I don’t like: Tea. Here’s what I do like: Diet Dr Pepper.
Now that that’s all settled, let’s make Macaroni Salad!
The Cast of Characters: Macaroni, mayonnaise, vinegar, sugar, salt, pepper, milk, spicy/sweet pickles, black olives, roasted red peppers (you can use pimentos instead!), and green onions. Easy stuff!
Start by bawlin’ the macaroni till it’s done.
Then drain it…
Then rinse it under cold water until it’s totally cooled down.
Next, chop up some black olives! The good ol’ canned, ripe, nothing-exotic-about-them black olives.
Slice up three whole green onions pretty thinly…
Then grab some roasted red peppers! You can roast your own, of course, but in this dish it’s really not necessary.
You can also use diced or chopped pimentos instead.
Grab three or four of ‘em…
Then slice ‘em up…
And chop ‘em.
Now, grab some good, good, yummy, great, good, awesome pickles. These are made here in Oklahoma, and I love them. They’re pretty sweet, but also very spicy—you need both for macaroni salad. Any sweet/spicy pickles will do!
Grab a few slices, then eat one. Then grab another one from the jar to replace it and act like nothing ever happened.
Now set the veggies aside and make the dressing!
Start with half a cup of mayonnaise. The real stuff. Not the grody stuff.
Add some vinegar. I used red wine vinegar, but you can use regular distilled/white/clear/plain/unadorned. Just a slight bite is all you’re looking for!
Add in some sugar…
Because I can’t be in the presence of vinegar unless sugar is also involved.
Stir that around, then splash in a little milk—just enough to make the dressing pourable.
Use your incredibly awesome and beautiful hand to sprinkle in salt…
Then use your foot to sprinkle in a little black pepper.
Not really on the foot part.
I honestly have no idea why I said that.
Finally, splash in a little of the pickle juice. Adds a little more sweetness, a little more bite, and—if the pickles are nice and spicy—a little kick.
Spicy Pickles = Good.
Now the fun really begins! Throw the macaroni into a big ol’ bowl.
Then drizzle in 3/4 of the dressing (save the rest for later!)…
And mix it around. The dressing will seem thin at this point, but as it chills later, it’ll thicken up a bit! You can add the rest of the dressing later, after you toss in the other ingredients, if you think it needs it. (Amount of dressing is a personal preference!)
Now add the olives, red peppers, pickles, and green onions…
And toss it all together. Add more of the olives, peppers, pickles, and onions if you think the salad needs more stuff! The point here is not to have any macaroni that isn’t decorated with at least one of the ingredients. If you see even one macaroni noodle without something on it, the entire macaroni salad will be totally ruined!
At the end, taste the whole thing and add more of what it needs, which will probably include another good splash of pickle juice! This is where you can add the rest of the dressing if you think it needs it.
Then—this is important—chill the macaroni salad for at least a couple of hours.
Because you’re worth it.
Pile it into a bowl and serve it at your next barbecued/picnic/cookout/grilling party!
Or just have it for lunch today, by itself or with a piece of grilled chicken.
It’s the best macaroni salad ever!
Here’s the handy printable.
Recipe: The Best Macaroni Salad Ever
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Ingredients
4 cups Elbow Macaroni
3 whole Roasted Red Peppers, Chopped (more To Taste, Can Also Use Pimentos)
1/2 cup Black Olives, Chopped Fine
6 whole Sweet/spicy Pickle Slices, Diced (about 1/2 Cup Diced)
3 whole Green Onions, Sliced (white And Dark Green Parts)
1/2 cup Mayonnaise
1 Tablespoon Red Wine Or Distilled Vinegar
3 teaspoons Sugar, More Or Less To Taste
1/4 teaspoon Salt, More To Taste
Plenty Of Black Pepper
1/4 cup Milk (more If Needed)
Splash Of Pickle Juice (spicy Sweet Pickles)
Extra Pickle Juice To Taste
Preparation Instructions
Cook the macaroni in lightly salted water according to package directions. Drain and rinse under cold water to cool. Set aside.
Mix together mayo, vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper. Splash in enough milk to make it pourable. Splash in pickle juice for extra flavor. Taste and adjust seasonings as needed. Set aside.
Place cooled macaroni in a large bowl and pour 3/4 of the dressing. Toss and add more dressing if you'd like. (Dressing will seem a little thin, but it will thicken up as salad chills.)
Stir in olives, roasted red peppers (or pimentos), pickles, and green onions. Add more of any ingredient if you'd like more stuff going on! At the end, splash in a little more pickle juice and stir.
Chill for at least 2 hours before serving. Sprinkle with sliced green onion to serve!
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